This morning I sit down to write an entry for my new blog, coffee in hand, and all I can think about is the toys all over the living room floor, the laundry basket laying on its side with clean clothes spilling out onto the carpet, my current state of dress (picture: ill fitting pajamas and what sort of resembles a messy bun haphazardly falling off the side of my head), and the fact that my 8 month old is due to wake up from her nap in 6 minutes.
What I would like to be doing right now:
– stuffing my face with toast
– watching random strangers’ Instagram videos on the couch for 4 hours
But instead, here I am, sitting at my laptop, typing away and trying to make some sense of my stream of consciousness while also attempting to string it all together with a cohesive theme – plucking some metaphorical wisdom to pass along to whomever may choose to read these words.
And so here we meet – me, the wannabe writer, and you, the discerning reader.
Perhaps I should introduce myself.
Since my daughter Rowyn was born last year my tagline reads something like “Lili Borden, 26 year old mother & housewife with a penchant for coffee and naps (not together), and a bottomless cookie pit for a belly”. Though, before my daughter was born I fancied myself all sorts of other things… a social butterfly, a homebody, a poet-philosopher-conspiracy theorist (I believe the correct term is “woke AF”) who enjoyed political discourse and frequent doobie-fueled physical activities of varying intensity – forest hikes, yoga and hula hooping were all par for the course – before hopping on the skytrain to my night job as a bartender at a seedy pub. Needless to say, my lifestyle has changed a bit since becoming a Mom.
This isn’t to say I wish I hadn’t gone down this road. As much as I am only just beginning to learn how to successfully balance motherhood and self-development, I have so far found the challenges I’ve faced as a parent have not just forced me to grow as a person – they have absolutely liberated me from both my self-obsession and my (seeming) lack of purpose. Before my daughter was born I was my most important person… she has usurped that throne.
I mean, do I wish I could do whatever I want on any given day? Yes. Do I wish I had all the time in the world to do it? Of course. Do I miss the freedom and independence of not having children? More than anything else.
But I also feel as if so much of me has been reborn. As much as I made my daughter, she has made me, and I will never be the same person again. I mean, I’m still me, insofar as my personality is intact (at least on good days, when I have time to brush my teeth), but that personality has met with and merged into the persona of the Mother. It’s kind of like leveling up in a video game – I’m still me, but better (at least I think so – some may not agree, but who cares about them anyway, amirite?)
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I wouldn’t be introducing myself properly if I didn’t mention that my child basically runs my life. I bet you’ve never heard a Mom say that before. I like to be original.
And as for this little project? I haven’t really decided yet what this blog will focus on. I’m starting it in earnest, with hopes that it will help me find my way back within myself to the person that’s buried beneath cartoon jingles and wet wipes. I’m sure Mom Talk will be unavoidable… but I’d like to try not to fall into the trap of just whinging about my (actually) beautiful life in order to make myself feel validated in my exhaustion and martyrdom (that’s code for “I don’t want to bitch about cleaning up everyone’s shit all the time”) and I’d like to focus more on topics and conversations that make me think and feel. Hopefully they make you think and feel too.
And if you, dear reader, have any particular topic you’d like me to write about, please feel free to email me and suggest it! I’m sure there’s lots you want to ask me. I’m pretty interesting, my opinion is very important. But don’t be intimidated, please – I’m only a human, not a God, and I’m just here to have conversations. If not with you, then at least with myself (also common for Mothers, some call it “losing your mind”).
So that’s it, that’s my intro. Welcome to my little corner of the universe. Hope to see you back again soon. Until then I’ll just be here, drinking coffee, wishing my hair would style itself, & cleaning up everyone’s shit all the time.